So it begins…

For some semblance of an opener, I feel compelled to admit that up until a few months ago the concept of a “blog” was an alien one to me. Well obviously I was aware of them, it was rather impossible to not be aware of them, such was their ubiquity on almost all forms of media. But actually writing one? No chance mate! Even the word “blog” has a slightly unpleasant ring to it, don’t you think?

Then on telly last year we had Billie Piper gamely letting it all hang out on “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl”, based on the book based on the blog based on the rather saucy life of the eponymous, anonymous (two words destined to be used consecutively), very talented now-former (I believe) call girl “Belle de Jour”. The current recipient of the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay (for Juno) made her name on the (quite superb) Pussy Ranch, a blog detailing Diablo Cody’s former life as a stripper. Our media made much noise about them, as they tend to do, and I was intrigued. While there are plenty (millions, in fact) of blogs to choose from, I mention the above two because they, and I apologise in advance for this, inspired me to unleash my verbosity onto an unsuspecting cyberspace.

The cynical voice in my head (and yours to, I imagine) cynically snides “yeah, that’s it, choose two of the most famous and widely-read blogs in their respective countries, why don’t ya? Especially two that have gone on to make their authors exceedingly rich with lucrative writing careers! Shocking one, that is mate. True devotee to the art, you are! You’re a sell-out motherfucker and you ain’t even started yet!”. And Mr Cynic has a point! Not about me doing this for the fame, admiration and money (although perhaps I might not refuse such indulgences. Maybe. We’ll see. If you’re curious you have my permission to offer such to me and await my response), but because I simply want to be as good as them. They really are fucking good! That they are among the most famous blogs around, and the first two I ever read is of course no coincidence, if only because my virginal state in the blogsphere results in me being familiar with the only the most, erm, familiar…

Anyway. I’m rambling. I will say that I have recently gone through both blogs almost in their entirety (including Diablo’s new stuff in her Myspace page) and felt a most disquieting compound-twinge of admiration, envy and curiosity. Admiration for their writing, wit, candidacy and humour. Envy for the same reasons. Curiosity regarding my ability to possibly “compete” at their level. See, sitting right next to Mr Cynic in my brain is Mr Ego, and he can be louder than Brian Blessed.

Now, having just read back the 400-odd words I have written so far, I accept I have a long way to go. It is slothfulness alone that prevents me from deleting all of this and starting from scratch, so let us press on, shall we?

There is one MASSIVE factor in those blogs becoming so popular that I will never have on my side - unfortunately I am neither a prostitute nor a stripper. Not for the want of trying though. I don’t use these terms to cheapen either of their blogs, but they’re the ones which comes to mind - they have a certain niche or novelty factor in their favour, don’t they? Once you start reading them, these factors of course evaporate and are replaced by superb writing, but the fact that they were written by two women in the sex-industry would attract many who normally wouldn’t bother. It attracted me. Oh and there was the small thing about having a slight crush on Diablo Cody when I saw here being interviewed, but I will have plenty of time to reveal my shallow nature in the future, now is not the time. Don’t give too much too soon. You gotta drip-feed that shit to ‘em. But yeah, I suppose I have no real “hook” for this blog, it will simply be the (hopefully) regular musings of a regular guy in his 20s. So I guess I’ll have to play a blinder.

OK, if you have read this far: a) thanks and b) what’s wrong with you? Slow day?

You’d rightfully be mistaken at this point for thinking that my only aim for this blog was to emulate the likes of Belle and Cody and their ongoing success, but that’s not the whole story. I’m doing an English degree (please don’t consider the sub par grammar and syntax of this blog to be representative of my general linguistic abilities. It’s usually much worse), a vociferous reader and can talk for England (and depending on my mood, other sovereign nations). I can also write for said nations when in the mood, and I’m hoping this little account of my lives, loves and fears will provide me with ample motivation to do so. I used to keep diaries, but my narcissistic leanings seemingly couldn’t accept their associated privacy. I WANT TO BE HEARD, GODDAMMIT! Making them public should makes me raise my game at least a little bit, right? On the other hand, as we are in the summer months, away from the rigours of higher education, I have little reason to do any writing. I’m fed up of going back to school/university every September/October and pretty much having to teach myself how to hold a pen again. Practice makes perfect, they say. So this blog is me practicing. In that sense it’s more for me than for you, but the more the merrier. One final reason for this blog’s existence is, well, someone told me to do it. So here I is.

Anyway, the time for signing off is at at hand. If you actually liked this post, or maybe could see some smidgen of potential in it, then do not fret! I shall take a course in blogese and future posts will actually enlighten you about your dear author. At the moment I will keep this semi-anonymous, simply because I intend to elaborate on subjects that may not paint me in the most wholesome light. You never know who is reading. Nothing is definite yet, though, so who knows? Also, I do intend future posts to actually be funny.

Some completely inconsequential info to get ya started:

Last film seen - Wanted (liked it!).

Music I’ve been listening to recently: Air, Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, early Flaming Lips, Sigur Rós, a disappointing fourth effort from Coldplay.

On TV: My life would not be complete with LOST and Dexter. Expect future posts devoted to both! And if you are not a fan of Chris Morris, Peter Cook, Stephen Fry or Charlie Brooker then become so, fast. Or never darken my door again!

Adieu x