Tick, tick, tick, tick, boom!

I just pulled off the second tick in as many weeks from my poor cat. If you have ever experienced these vile creatures before, you’ll have some idea about how slightly ill I’m feeling at the moment.

Is there a single more disgusting, parasitic and useless creature in existence? Why, of all the organisms inhabiting our fair planet, did evolution deign to allow these things to survive? A world where beautiful, dignifed mammals like Barbary lions and pandas are essentially extinct in the wild while ticks are seemingly flourishing in their blood-sucking, disease-spreading ways is not a fair one, surely?

Before flushing it down the toilet, morbid curiosity got the better of me and I snapped some pictures of it with my camera phone through a magnifying glass. Unfortunately they are a little too blurry to post here. But I’m sure kitty will bring home another friend soon, and like the boy scout I never was, I’ll be prepared.

To compensate, I’ll post a video of a different, Canadian tick. It looks EXACTLY like mine, even down to the little markings. Same colour, size, everything. I’m serious, it’s uncanny. In my previous post I postulated that every human being on this planet has his or her own doppelgänger. Well I now extend this theory to include ticks. In fact what happens in this video is pretty much what happened with me 20 minutes ago, even down to the nervous use of tweezers and the execution-by-toilet. But this person has a better camera.

Charming, no?

I detect a cruel yet delicious irony in the fact that these two arachnids, twins in all but birth (or egg-sack); separated by an ocean and destined to always be apart; went to their respective fates in exactly the same way. It’s almost poetic.

Anyway that’s all this post was about. I felt the need to inform you that my skin is literally crawling. OK, not literally, but if Jamie Redknapp can repeatedly misuse the term on national television (“Evra’s literally left Johnson for dead there!” No he didn’t, you stupid twat. He ran past him with a football), then so can I! On my blog! Which nobody reads anyway!

Fuck you, non-existent readers!

I jest of course. I love you all really, but I’d like you even more if you started reading…

Keep it foolish (yes that’s a Nathan Barley (watch it here) reference. Bathe in my post-post-post-irony)

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